A Moment
by akitokihojo
Summary: Sometimes, when things become just a bit too much, all you need to do is take a moment. Let it out. Let it go.


"I just need a moment." He'd say, and then he'd pull Kagome as close as physically possible, his thick arms either wrapped around her waist or her neck. He'd relax in her embrace, the tension in his body notably decreasing as the minutes passed. Life got hard sometimes. Inuyasha had a tendency to take the brunt of it, take the responsibility for the others getting hurt, allow the weight of everything to sit on his shoulders, take the hits and disses, the wounds and half-breed slurs, and sometimes, just sometimes, it got to be too much.

Typically, that was during the new moon. Inuyasha was subjected to feel the overwhelming emotions humans couldn't swallow as well as demons. He didn't like it. Obviously. He was pretty vocal about that. When Inuyasha felt, even in his half demon form, he felt hard. He loved with every fiber of his being, and when he had to deal with guilt or loss, it was crippling, so he hid that behind actions. Fighting. He would slay demons and move on to the next. He would channel his grieving into chasing down Naraku or the jewel shards, focusing only on those objectives until the painful lump in his throat eventually eased. As a human, though, he was unable to do _anything_. He had to stay hidden and quiet. He had to sit back while his friends tucked him away. He had to deal with the overbearing weight of everything he'd been avoiding.

Usually, he could handle it. His attitude would grow more testy, and his friends would catch the hint and leave him alone. Kagome would always hit him with a look of concern, though. She knew. God, she always knew. She respected his space, and she'd leave him be, but there was this air of compassion that radiated off of her. He could tell she wanted to help. That's all she ever wanted to do, but often times the energy she managed to reach him with overwhelmed him more than his own thoughts. If he had it his way, he'd continue on as he always had. It was _one night_ of the month that things grew a little harder than normal. There was no reason for him to crumple. Stay awake, stay alert, don't die, and by daybreak, everything would dull.

It seemed as soon as Kagome came into the picture, with her headstrong demeanor and empathetic heart, things began to alter quickly. Months passed and he found himself not wanting to close himself off anymore, at least not to her. She didn't always comprehend what he was feeling or why he was feeling it, but she never pulled away or dismissed him. She made it easy to talk, because she listened and cared. He could physically feel her compassion. At first, he was one-hundred percent not okay with how pathetic just the thought of opening up seemed. He had his shit, and he dealt with it his way. He was the strong hanyou of the group. He protected them all and killed demons, and people like _him_ weren't supposed to appear affected by these little, trifling things. Kagome told him over and over that it was okay to show emotion. That just because he felt weak, it didn't mean he actually was, but Inuyasha blew it off as a giant load of crap for as long as he could.

There was one night in particular, where his heart felt a little too heavy to properly be contained in his chest cavity. It seemed to literally be weighed down so much, Inuyasha was concerned it'd fall into the pit of his abdomen. It hurt. It hurt so fucking much. The world was spinning too fast, and nothing seemed to flow right, and everything was off kilter, and his fingers were trembling, and he had no idea what, exactly, was overwhelming him. The sight of his black hair repulsed him, at that moment. Usually, he didn't mind it. It was the color of his mother's. Once a month, he'd be able to see a little of her in himself, and though the thoughts were private and withheld, he appreciated the reminder that he had that resemblance of her. This night, though, it was nothing more than a sign of weakness, and he eagerly tucked the strands behind his ears and shoulders where, if he didn't move his head, they'd stay out of his line of vision.

As he tried to bottle it all away, his chest started to ache a bit more. His knee began to bob, and he grew antsy in his seat next to the fire. It was getting harder and harder to keep still, and he was afraid that if he stayed put any longer, he'd lose his sanity, so he went for a walk. The others were sleeping. They wouldn't know, and therefore wouldn't nag him for stomping away on the most dangerous night of the month. He remembered hearing a nearby stream before the sun had set, while his hearing was still heightened and as it should be, so he quickly ventured in that direction.

He'd have known she was following if it were any other night. He'd have sensed her, smelled that warm and sweet scent not far behind him, heard her stepping over leaves and twigs, but no. No, his ears were filled with the rushing sound of flowing water and that was fucking it. She said his name and her soft voice startled him more than it should have. Maybe because he was so deep within his own ensnaring web, or maybe it was because he wasn't himself in more ways than one, or maybe it was because he fully expected he was totally and perfectly alone, but mostly because she wasn't supposed to follow.

"Go back to bed, Kagome."

"What's wrong?"

"I wanna be alone."

It was evident she could sense an abundance of messy emotions coming off of him with the way she pressed her lips into a tight line, and the way her frame didn't sway but tensed instead, and the way her eyebrows arched into a marring expression of concern, bringing the smallest creases to form on her forehead.

"I'd like to stay with you, if that's okay."

And that was all it took. Inuyasha didn't have it in him to ask her to leave again, because in truth, he didn't fucking want her to. If anyone or anything in the world brought him peace, it was her, and that was all he fucking wanted. He wanted the universe to shut up, he wanted his damn nerves to calm, and he wanted his mind to still, and with her there, he had a chance at an inkling of it all. Kagome didn't choose to sit at his side as he'd come to expect. Instead, she kneeled behind him, her fingers combing through his long, raven hair. Before he could ask what the hell she was doing, though, she spoke, her voice smooth and gentle, already seeming to quell the unforgiving lump that he'd repeatedly tried to swallow.

"It looked like your hair was bothering you, so I figured we could tie it up for now." Her nails were gentle against the tangles, sweeping through as she brought his hair together to tie at a knot at the crown of his head. Then, everything seemed to still a little. The river wasn't as noisy as it had initially seemed, and the weight on his chest wasn't crushing him as severely as it was just moments before. Her hands were cold as she placed them along the back of his now-exposed neck, small bumps rising at the edge of her simple touch, but it was surprisingly soothing.

"I won't ask." She said, pressing up against his back, her arms snaking their way around his waist and gripping the cloth of his firerat.

He didn't know how he'd lived so long without her. Kagome's presence, in multiple ways, was addicting. After that night and how simple she made it feel to just be, he wanted her next to him. If things became as easy as she somehow made life appear, he knew he wouldn't falter or doubt as much. Especially when he was more susceptible to the crippling emotions the new moon dealt him. As pathetic as he first felt, with Kagome in proximity, he grew to feel so much stronger. What helped things along was if she noticed that something was off, she'd take the initiative and lead him out to be alone with one another while their friends slept. Inuyasha didn't have to swallow his pride and ask. She made it so fucking easy. Sometimes it was minutes, sometimes much longer than that. Sometimes it was in his human state, but usually it was whenever he could.

Because he learned he legitimately _needed_ these moments with Kagome. She was his weakness and his strength. Her warm, soothing energy bled into him and it calmed his effervescent, unbalanced, unruly nerves. He'd be okay.

With her, he always would be.

And he'd say, "I just need a moment."

She didn't mind. She loved every peaceful, private minute she could get with Inuyasha. He allowed her to see a different side of him that very few had witnessed. Most of the time, you had to read in between the lines of his words to figure out what he really meant to say.

She knew how much he blamed himself for things that were out of his control. She knew how he had a tendency not to give himself any breaks, even if just to catch his breath. Inuyasha would push himself to the brink of a breaking point and wouldn't bat an eye in the process. He was the strongest man she knew, and if Kagome could help alleviate a little of that weight resting on his shoulders, even if it only lasted thirty seconds, she would gladly do it. Without question.

Sometimes, the weight of the worlds she frequented caught up with her. Her school exams, her falling grades, her friends' lack of empathy, her futile attempts to catch up and keep up, it all was so heavy. Sometimes death was too prominent, and the smell of decaying bodies took days to leave her nose. She'd see lifeless, glazed eyes staring at nothing. Children laying there just inches away from their parents. Villages in ruin. Blood. Missing limbs. Corpses. Burials. Babies. Those... those were the hardest to get passed.

Kagome tried getting through it. She tried holding herself up in the same way Inuyasha would. She'd help the others bury everyone. She'd pray along with Miroku and Sango. She'd make sure Shippo saw as little as he needed to.

Sometimes it wasn't so bad. The ache in her heart was easy to ignore, and she'd laugh along with Shippo's lighthearted jokes. If they stumbled on a hot spring after, then she was even better off. Bathing always seemed to help her physically and metaphorically wash it all away. She'd sit in the spring until her fingers were pruned over, and she'd allow the heat to loosen the tension her body clung to. Sometimes, it wasn't that easy. Kagome would request to go home with the typical school excuse, and after the expected fight Inuyasha gave was over and done with, she'd be able to let it go in the privacy of her bedroom.

Unfortunately, holding back wasn't coming so easily tonight. There was a deep-rooted pain spreading like wildfire in her chest, making her body feel leadened in her sleeping bag. Her eyes were stinging and exhausted, but she couldn't sleep. Every time she closed her eyes, horrifying images flooded through. There were still things she didn't understand about Inuyasha's world, things history books could never teach you about. There were things she didn't try to understand anymore. It was better that way. Safer that way.

A warm, solid hand grazed her upper arm, and she turned to see him crouched over her with a finger pressed to his lips. Inuyasha wanted her to come with him somewhere, and as tired as she was, she didn't have the will to fight him. Anything, at this point, was better than laying in silence and rewatching everything playback in her mind. He could drag her on a five mile walk, and she'd be okay. With him, she felt stronger. More in control.

Kagome got up as gently as possible, the small kit beside her only stirring minutely before she tucked him further into the blanket. As the two of them walked through the denseness of the tree line, he took her hand, his fingers threading through hers as he led her further away from their camp. Already, a small amount of relief was flowing over her. The music of the dark woods provided by insects and distant, nocturnal animals, the heat of Inuyasha's palm, and the objective not to trip over anything she couldn't see was keeping her distracted enough not to notice the ache in her heart. She wanted to know where they were going, especially at an hour like this, but she also didn't care. She'd go anywhere with Inuyasha, no matter the circumstances.

Then he stopped in the middle of a small clearing, the tops of the trees so thick, moonlight hardly made it through to touch them. Still, Inuyasha's silver hair caught whatever shimmers of light existed in their small patch of the world, reminding her just how unfairly beautiful he always was. The half demon gently pulled her in front of him, his hands holding her shoulders, then gliding upward to cradle her jaw, his golden eyes staring down at her knowingly. Of course, he knew. Already, the tears stung at her eyes, and Kagome could feel her resolve crumbling away to nothing.

"Come here." He whispered, tucking her safely into the comfort of his arms. She buried her face into the soft material of his robe, her fingers grasping at his back as tremors overtook her frame little-by-little, bringing her to rely on him to keep her steady. He didn't shush her sobs, or whisper sweet things. He didn't say anything, because he knew there was nothing that could be said to help. Words held no meaning right now. He just let her cry.

She tried to control her sobs, but he urged her not to; to just let it out. It was okay to be like this with him. Seeing her upset was physically painful, feeling her quiver in his hold had him weak, but if he could manage to take a little of this grief away from her, then he would gladly accept it. As difficult as it was to see the ungodly amount of death that she was no doubt unaccustomed to, they weren't prepared for the scene they'd stumbled in on. Even _he_ had never seen something so horrible before. Even _he_ didn't want to remember the young man hanging lifeless from the post of his ceiling. Inuyasha had backed Kagome out as quickly as they'd walked in, but it was too late.

He knew she'd be affected. He knew she was fighting it off, but he could tell there was a mental struggle ensuing. He wouldn't let her do this alone. He wouldn't allow her to swallow this and pretend she was fine until she finally was. Kagome had no idea what she meant to him, how he's helped him, what sort of peace she's gifted him. Words would never hold enough meaning to express that, but actions, Inuyasha's fluency, would make his adoration and compassion loud and clear.

If Kagome needed to cry, then he'd be the one to hold her. For however long it took.

He'd be the one to provide as much comfort as possible. He'd be the one by her side. He'd be the one stroking her hair and wiping her tears, rubbing her back when her sobs turned to hiccups, caressing her delicate skin, wishing he could take the memory away, make it his and his, alone.

He'd protect her for as long as he lived.

He'd hold her through it all.

He'd be whatever source of solace she needed.

Kagome would be okay.

She always was.

With him, she always would be.

She'd return to her beautiful, wonderful, cheerful, bold self.

She just needed a moment.


End file.
